Lt Flick's Iraq War Music Mix, Volume 1
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Ok, so this is an idea I have for a story I want to write, set during the invasion of Iraq in 2003, I have a rough story idea, and recently I have come up with some lines I want to include, any comments would be extremely welcome, I need all the help I can get! Here they are:
A .44 bullet is an underated diplomat, it has ways of saying things that people tend to listen to. If a picture can paint 1,000 words the a .44 in the barrel of a loaded gun has a fairly stunted vocabulary, but the few words it knows it uses witht he skill of a poet.
Lt. Flick liked shotguns, they had stage presance, like Mick Jagger mixed with a Grizzly Bear.
Who ever said the pen was mightier than the sword had obviously never encountered a fully armed rifle platoon, twenty odd little red dots all aimed at the same square inch of cloth, just infront of the heart.
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a lol'd at the mick jagger/grizzly bear line. bahaha. i feel like the "if a picture can paint" line is worded a bit awkwardly. for example--if there's a .44 in the barrel of the gun, you don't really need to refer to it as "loaded," do you? i mean, can't we assume it it? i like the parallel you're trying to draw, though. you could try something like this: "they say a picture says one thousand words. a .44 in the barrel of a gun may have a fairly stunted vocabulary, but the few words it knows it uses with the skill of a poet." that's still a little awkward though, hm...
anyway, hope the story writing is going well.
I think this has potential. a lot of it. more than probably anything else of yours I've read. so get on making more, my good sir.