Stubbed out in Ashtrays
Tue, 18 Nov 2008 at 03:47pm
untitled
We always talked about leaving.
Packing up our shitty little lives and taking off in the middle of the night.
You’d dream aloud of Beach houses in Cornwall,
Youth hostels in Eastern Europe.
And I dreamt of waking up to a foreign sunrise and a cigarette breakfast.
Balcony light spilling through torn curtains
Illuminating golden hair, splayed across pillows while you slept.
It was but a dream of our adolescent idiocies.
Forgotten, along with the rest of me.
And now, I wake up alone. Not in the suburbs or Paris,
Or an apartment overlooking the Ramblas,
But in the state you left me.
And the only gold that shines in my life is the burning cherry.
Like the orange sun that never bore the sweat of our skin,
Browning like the filter.
Stubbed out.
In ashtrays.
Seven others like this.
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I like the day-and-night difference in feelings between the two parts this evoked in me. Having lived some of the imagery (strangely accurate when you look at the piece on the whole...) of the first part, it made me daydream of those times, and so the second part was quite a blow... Nobody likes to be rudely awakened out of a beautiful dream, but when executed like you have here, it becomes painfully acceptable. Kind of like when a good friend kicks you square in the nuts, but instead of going after him, you congratulate the bastard on his sheer audacity :p
All in all, a +1 well deserved.
aw, it's so good.
yeah, poetry workshops suck, nobody says anything useful cause they're afraid of hurting your feelings, or else because they're just too stupid to know the difference between good and bad poetry.
I love it though. I'm still young enough to appreciate it without getting depressed as fuck.
This depressed the shit out of me, which is a good thing.
The only line that I was dubious about was the bit where the orange sun never bore the sweat of your skin, but it reads allright with the rest of the piece, so I'm probably just being dim.
I enjoy the part where you "wake up in the state that she left you" as compared to some fantastical vacation spot. That is not to say I enjoy the character waking up in that state as that would be quite like a sadist of me. It is to say that I enjoy the wording.
- Matt
i love that line poison, for the bit of word play... waking up in the state she left you... especially to us US kids, not sure it was intended wordplay but this is kind of when it doesn't matter.
Very nice bowers... I also liked that wordplay, though I can't say I noticed it on the first reading :)
OMG'D.