There was a man
As vain as a flower.
He died alone.
There was a lady
As superficial as one of those little umbrella/toothpick things that they stick in your margarita.
She had many friends.
I've decided I actually really like this one. It speaks volumes of society today, and it's certainly an interesting pair of similes.
plus one
Also, I don't think I'm going to comment on all of your pieces. Not now anyway, seeing as I already commented on them on your DA, and I'd mostly be repeating myself. I do, however, intend to plus one them all.
Hm. I like the concept of this poem. However, I feel like the two stanza's are almost...mismatched. The first one is brief, short, simple. The second is wordy. Example: "as one of those little umbrella/toothpick things that they stick in your margarita." It just made reading this strange for me...that said, I'm terrible at poetry and therefore my opinion shouldn't count and/or bother you much. Haha. :)
My feelings exactly, klunzy. What's more, it fits well enough that it doesn't give the "oh, the writer was using this as a linguistic device" impression. It just makes the reader's mind think of the woman's shallow, unnecessarily complicated existence.
Don't you love it when ideas write themselves, without the writer having to overthink them? +1
I suppose at first I was amazed at how much attention this has garnered.
I believe it's due to other people being permitted to read into this one. I fail to see the comment on my society (Midwestern America) as vain men are hardly looked down upon, and superficial women are the norm.
From a sense of poetic skill, I also fail to see the accomplishment. Open structure, clipped, unrhyming.
I appreciate your feedback. I suppose "clipped and unrhyming" would be one way to look at it. It *is* open verse though, and would thusly be "unrhyming."
i have come back to this one several times but can't really figure out a way to write down how it effects me. so i'll +1 and let you know that i like it.
I suppose at first I was amazed at how much attention this has garnered.
I believe it's due to other people being permitted to read into this one. I fail to see the comment on my society (Midwestern America) as vain men are hardly looked down upon, and superficial women are the norm.
From a sense of poetic skill, I also fail to see the accomplishment. Open structure, clipped, unrhyming.
I've decided I actually really like this one. It speaks volumes of society today, and it's certainly an interesting pair of similes.
plus one
Also, I don't think I'm going to comment on all of your pieces. Not now anyway, seeing as I already commented on them on your DA, and I'd mostly be repeating myself. I do, however, intend to plus one them all.
I love short poetry. :P
Also, if you like short poetry you should read some of William Carlos Williams stuff. (I'm a diehard fan of his stuff. XD)
- Matt
Hm. I like the concept of this poem. However, I feel like the two stanza's are almost...mismatched. The first one is brief, short, simple. The second is wordy. Example: "as one of those little umbrella/toothpick things that they stick in your margarita." It just made reading this strange for me...that said, I'm terrible at poetry and therefore my opinion shouldn't count and/or bother you much. Haha. :)
I like this
but... I'm not sure why :P
Its probably because I could NEVER write anything as short as this XD
I tend to go overboard on the imagery whereas yours lets the reader use their imaginationagghhhramblingggaghhhh
anyway
+1
The wordyness of the second stanza is to demonstrate the superficiality of the woman. Makes perfect sense.
My feelings exactly, klunzy. What's more, it fits well enough that it doesn't give the "oh, the writer was using this as a linguistic device" impression. It just makes the reader's mind think of the woman's shallow, unnecessarily complicated existence.
Don't you love it when ideas write themselves, without the writer having to overthink them? +1
I suppose at first I was amazed at how much attention this has garnered.
I believe it's due to other people being permitted to read into this one. I fail to see the comment on my society (Midwestern America) as vain men are hardly looked down upon, and superficial women are the norm.
From a sense of poetic skill, I also fail to see the accomplishment. Open structure, clipped, unrhyming.
Ultimately, I suppose I fail this one.
I appreciate your feedback. I suppose "clipped and unrhyming" would be one way to look at it. It *is* open verse though, and would thusly be "unrhyming."
- Matt
i have come back to this one several times but can't really figure out a way to write down how it effects me. so i'll +1 and let you know that i like it.
I suppose at first I was amazed at how much attention this has garnered.
I believe it's due to other people being permitted to read into this one. I fail to see the comment on my society (Midwestern America) as vain men are hardly looked down upon, and superficial women are the norm.
From a sense of poetic skill, I also fail to see the accomplishment. Open structure, clipped, unrhyming.
Ultimately, I suppose I fail this one.
sophomoric?