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 ^{(it's beta!)}

EDIT: I really would like more comments on these two pieces (doing a survey, if you will)... I don't care what they are (or even if you like/+1 the piece) just let me hear them...

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This piece is actually two different versions of the same piece, and I was wondering which version people liked better. It is also probably one of the most personal piece(s) I will ever put up on this site... In order to post these, however, I must first give a brief background...

I wrote the first half of this poem on a friday afternoon and while I was writing it, I came up with two lines to end the poem that I really liked. That night I got rather messed up (as is usual for a friday) and while hanging out with friends, realized that I really liked one of my female friends whom I had been getting closer with... so once I got back home, I finished writing this piece, with the second half of it being influenced by this realization...

So here is the first version of this piece...

Tomorrow (Loved?)

Wake up in the morning, another day of hell

All this shit called learning just makes me wanna yell

So then I set the task of surviving through the day

I put on my mask and pretend everything’s okay

Take a shower, get dressed, maybe today won’t suck

Shit there’s homework that I missed, there goes all my luck

Then I trudge to school, where I proceed to fake a “smile”

They don’t know, all these fools, I’m miserable all the while

Say “heddo” to my so called friends, when I know they just don’t care

For when I am at wits end, I know they won’t be there

I’m crazy like a fox, always wary of conspiracy

The public is kept under tight locks, but they never will catch me

I nervously glance around to reassure my paranoid fears

Enter class, sit down, and proceed to be bored to tears

I really wish I cared, but it’s apathy for me

Now no reason to be scared, of getting hurt, you see

Because when my defenses slack, and it happens frequently

I get stabbed in the back, before I have time to flee

You think that I would learn, but that I don’t is nothing new

I guess it is pain I yearn, for now I’m falling for you

Even though you and I deny it, we know that we both care

And if you and I were to try it, I’ll always try to be there

Because you’ve been hurt before too, and probably even worse

But that won’t stop me from loving you, for love is the biggest curse

But I’ll keep my feelings hushed, so the pain will never start

Because if I end up getting crushed, I’ll never mend my heart

But not being with you, is hurting all the same

I wish I knew what to do, I’m tired of this game

But it’s hard for me to forget my past, which has made my emotions fake

And though I know we won’t last, you’re a mistake that I should make

So I sit inside my room at night, and cry away my sorrow

Thinking of how to make things right, maybe life will be better tomorrow

Now after I wrote this, I stupidly showed it to the best friend of the girl I liked... she of course then realized who it was about and told her friend about my feelings... This led to us getting together... However, the relationship was kinda awkward and was more a "relationship of convenience", and about two weeks later we "broke off" what never really was, while deciding to still be friends... Now I normally despise love, and I especially despise writings about love, so I went back, and keeping the first half (and the last two lines) the same, completely rewrote the second half of this piece (and therefore changed the overall meaning)... The second version is somewhat darker and reflects my general disgust with everything at that point in my life...

Here is the second version, please let me know which version you like better...

Tomorrow (Lost?)

Wake up in the morning, another day of hell

All this shit called learning just makes me wanna yell

So then I set the task of surviving through the day

I put on my mask and pretend everything’s okay

Take a shower, get dressed, maybe today won’t suck

Shit there’s homework that I missed, there goes all my luck

Then I trudge to school, where I proceed to fake a “smile”

They don’t know, all these fools, I’m miserable all the while

Say “heddo” to my so called friends, when I know they just don’t care

For when I am at wits end, I know they won’t be there

I’m crazy like a fox, always wary of conspiracy

The public is kept under tight locks, but they never will catch me

So I nervously glance around to reassure my paranoid fears

Enter class, sit down, and proceed to be bored to tears

Although I thirst for knowledge, this crap is just pure rot

Go to an Ivy League college? No thanks, I’d rather not

I used to have a spark, but now it’s all gone dead

Stumbling through the dark, with all this shit inside my head

Although this may seem strange, I like my misery

I know that I should change but it’s harder that it seems

Seven periods I survived, at least lunch wasn’t so bad

It makes me feel deprived, to think of the life I wish I had

But school only begins the hurtin’, it can always be much worse

If families are a burden, then mine’s a fucking curse

They’re all complete jerks, they need a cell with padded walls

Nothing I try ever works, I wish I could just kill them all

But although I cut myself with a knife, I won’t commit suicide

I might be a degenerate form of life, but at least I have my pride

And I think about running away, while listening to Anti-Flag

Am I straight, bisexual or just plain gay, life is such a fucking drag

So I sit inside my room at night, and smoke away my sorrow

Thinking of how to make things right, maybe life will be better tomorrow