Carnations and Infatuation
untitled
We walked out of the cafe to your car. Being next to a flower shop, I suppose finding the carnation on the pavement shouldn't have surprised me the way it did. I picked it up and examined it the whole ride home. So captivated by it, I forgot to tell you which way to go.
It's green. Not a natural color for carnations. So I assume that it started out white. White carnations. Remembrance. I don't really have much I need to remember now do I? Oh yes. Not to kiss you. I must remember not to kiss you when you drop me off at my house.
That would make things complicated. More than you'd imagine. Kissing you would simply prove that it's more than just your looks that I'm attracted to. Then again, you're only human. I've always had this silly little infatuation with humans.
Even the most despicable characters are attractive to me. The mind fascinates me, and I can't understand why. "Silly Gemini," he'd tell me. He was a Gemini, too. I suppose you wouldn't know that. He's another reason I won't kiss you. Not yet anyway. I really do try not to make the same mistake twice.
The stem on my carnation is breaking, and the leaves are coarse and sharp. I'm not a carnation person. I've always been a daffodil girl, myself. And oh, how you'd find that ironic if you only knew.
Daffodils. Unrequited love. I'm in love with the concept of love, you know. And that is a love that is unrequited all on its own. And I'll fall in love with you, soon. How could I not? You're such an interesting creature. That rare intelligence you have in you just makes you all the more attractive.
Love. Something I'll try not to bring up to you again. Keeping it to myself allows me to pretend I won't admit it to myself. Allows me to not admit it to you, and hide it somewhere safe, where it won't hurt me.
So for now, I'll settle for infatuation. It's easier. Less painful, even if it is less fulfilling. For now, I'll keep you in the dark. I'm not ready to give you that power. I'm not ready to let you be able to actually decide to hurt me or not.
So for now, I'll keep my carnation safe. I'm almost sick of daffodils.
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There's something I don't like about pieces which go into relationships in terms of power. It makes me feel scratchy and very uneasy.
And that's what this piece seems to say. It might be because I've just read (indyfluency.com) this piece, which is heavily based around power. Though I'm pretty sure this is similar in that way.
I can relate to the unrequited love though, maybe in a slightly different way.
Moreover, this is a good piece in general. Well written, and transmits the theme very well (if I'm right).
+1