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 ^{(it's beta!)}

The rural roadside held her. Lifeless moss seated her and cold December wind nipped at her face. It was the only part of her body that ever got cold. Not that she cared. The cold made her feel real, alive. On that day, at that moment, it kept her aware of where she was and prevented her thoughts from whisking her away from reality.

She had been on her mind often as of late. It had been five years since her passing. That is long enough to learn to cope, to grow from the experience, to make the memories painless. Yet for no explainable reason, the memory of the loss in her girlhood was starting to haunt her again as a young woman.

If only that missing soul could see her now! She had grown from shy to outgoing, from clueless to intelligent, from an oddball to some one who was no unattractive. She had direction. She had become an artist. The stage drew her in and she was at her happiest when creating a new world for it. Her passion for attempts at writing was steadily being resurrected. Wouldn't that missing soul be proud! It was she that got her in to writing, even forcing her to write every day.

With her life going so well, why did she keep making references to that soul's life before it passed away? She would tell stories about her to friends, never explaining why she talked in past tense.

"My mother told me kosher meant something else..."

"My mother was shorter than me..."

"My mother smoked..."

"My mother is..."

She just could not bring herself to say it. Or write it. Every time she tried her throat swelled and her eyes watered. Tears were easy for her to push away. Crying was something she loathed to let herself do. The flow of tears would last for hours if it came.

No. She would never say that about her mother. Never. It implied she had been morbidly cast aside and that her suffering had been short. No. That was not the case.

The moss pushed her upright, the roadside let her go. The wind persisted. Her feet carried her away. Her home greeted her falsely.

She still waits for te day she will break down. It will be an immense load off of her mind.