The Rose That He Got Her
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The rose that he got her, it was red and came from the seat of his car. He sat, up in her apartment, he sat and he smiled at her and she smiled at him. His hair was long and his stubble was almost a beard, he looked like Kurt Cobain if you added ten pounds, maybe more. And that’s how she liked him, scruffy and dirty with holes in the jeans and in the elbows of his sleeves. Her eye’s were brown, the color you imagine a farmer to worship, and they held that intense stair which means that she had played this game before.
“I have something for you,” he had said. He smiled at her and she smiled back.
“Liar,” she said.
“It’s on my car seat,” he said, “It’s waiting for you to go downstairs to grab it.”
She brightened her smile and stood up and ran out the door.
He looked at me and I watched him. I sat on the ground, the third wheel you wouldn’t know was there, like a whisper in a breeze. My hair was short like a boy in the army, she had told me how she had hated it. My eyes were dull and my clothes were clean, too clean. And he looked at me, and he winked.
The door opened. She had come in, a rose was in her hand, it was red and came from the seat of his car. You could tell she liked it by the smile she gave him as she walked near to him. I swallowed and she leaned down and I imagined he was me and I imagined her lips were touching mine, but my lips were cold and his were warm with her touch. And when she pulled away, she peaked a glance at me, stole a moment and I caught it like a moth in the air, fragile. And then she looked back to him.
“Well,” He said. “I have to get to work before I get fired. You too have a good time.” He glanced at me and then at her, he smiled at her.
After he walked out the door, she looked at me, the smile was not on her face and the rose was on the ground.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
I nodded, I had never done this before. I had imagined it a million times but it was always vague in my head, out of focus. I had waited seventeen years to give it up to someone special, who I was sure I loved and I was sure loved me back. And she crawled closer to me raised a hand up and behind my neck to pull me close. She lowered herself onto the floor soft and pulled me on top of her and unbuttoned my shirt. I sat still too nervous to know whether this was right or not. I could not open my eyes, just focused to the brush of her fingers on my chest. My lips shook like I was cold and I could not stop it so I shut them tight, as tight as I could so she would not notice. And she pulled off my shirt and pulled down my pants with finger tips and without a single kiss. She wrapped her arms around my waist to pull me down against her skin which she had made bare. I could feel her warm and I gasped in air as she reached down to touch me. I tried to do things right, but I could not think, and when I opened my eyes the rose lay on the floor, the brilliant red beaming bright in my eyes. I breathed in heavy deep gasps as I felt her body and closed my eyes hard and she bit her lip and did not make a sound.
I exhaled and it was over. I lay and held her close to me.
“Was it like you had imagined?” she asked.
“No,” I said. I hesitated a moment. I looked at her and she looked at me and I said, “I love you.”
She lay quite. Her eyes closed and a breath blew out her nose. “I,” she said, she was looking me in the eyes to make sure I heard and I knew that I was in love and that everything would be perfect. “I,” she said, and I held my breath and begged God for the words I was hopping for to come through her perfect lips. And then I saw the rose, it lay on the ground and it had come from the seat of his car.
“I love boys,” she said in a flat tone and with a nod.
“Oh,” I closed my eyes and tried to stop my stomach from churning. “I was just kidding," I said and tried to force a smile.
"Oh, and one more thing," she said, "just in case your worried, nobody's good their first time so you have nothing to worry about."
But I didn't hear her words, they hung in the air unanswered. All I could do was look at the rose that he got her, it was red and came from the seat of his car.
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