This is me not even trying.
I can try and try all I want, but I think whatever it is that gives me ideas or inspiration or makes my fingers move in interesting ways to entertain and impress you people and make me look good is gone, or away, or has decided to let me dangle about on my own for a bit for it's own delightful amusement.
I'm not even trying because I tried already, and it got me to nothing. I've made a discovery about myself, and that is this: If I can already see where the story is going as I'm writing it, then I won't be interested enough to finish it. For me, writing a story is completely self-indulgent. It's for my own amusement. It is some sort of odd yet satisfying alternative to seeing a movie, or playing a videogame, or reading a book, or watching television. When I sit down to write, I expect to entertain myself, and while I may know at least the premise of what I wish to write about, if it's a good writing session I'm not going to have any clue as to how it ends until I get there. However, if I do already know how it's going to end, even if I haven't quite planned out the middle bit, or even the intro, I feel like there's no point, and no matter how hard I try, I never can quite bring myself to finish it.
Because in my mind, I've already finished it.
And so I've decided to stop trying to change the way I write. Looking back, all of my favorite old pieces I wrote with absolutely no set plans to start with, and it all simply seemed to pull itself together on its own. Augustus Prairie, the Tower pieces, hang on, Green Walls, every single Brother Scorn piece, and essentially everything else I have up here. Very little of any of those pieces was planned, and especially not the endings. Some of them started off as rants, some as pseudo-journals, some as character studies, and some I simply took a single tiny, obscure iota of an idea and built what my head decided constituted and ideal world around it.
Planning this stuff out isn't making it any easier, and I have my doubts that it would really help the "structure" of my writing by much, if at all. As I've stated, the whole point of my writing is for me to get some sort of enjoyment out of it. If I already knew how it ended, well then that would just be me vying for your attention, which I do enough of anyway. Even if I can't think of anything to write about, sometimes I just feel compelled to put something up for the sake of hoping you guys would comment on it.
Hell, that's how this one started.
