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 ^{(it's beta!)}

I made a fist for five fucking years Only because of geography, and hormones were too much for me to control You couldn't control popularity Your culpability You opened my fist for me, for some reason But you couldn't control the vast expanse between us or the chemicals that would unite us I couldn't control my demise My eyes were on the prize Was it mine or yours? This demise of integrity I trusted you more than common courtesy But the hand was free, and it was a weakness I know I will tire in vain I will delusion myself with the expenditure of irrationality My fault, your fault, their fault My fist is unopened, it is strong Look, watch under the influence Tick Tock under the influence Count down under the influence Don't stop under the influence, yet

I’ve been thinking. And when I think I feel my heavy heart sinking. The thoughts are surrounding Now I’m drowning With no desire to scream to the people around me I can’t believe That I put on a vice to stop the blood from leaving I’ll cut off a limb and try to stay awake Really it’s my spirit that I’m out to not break I need to salvage what I can I need to save some face I need to think a little bit But I can’t change the pace At last It’s going to fast for me to compete I’m obsolete and I will never be complete Of this I am sure ‘cause when I try to move I find my motor control is not so smooth, so I... I chop it off as if that would correct it And I bleed, but I’m bleeding in the opposite direction ‘cause I, I dealt the blow By not excercising I made it so And when I realise this I look around At all the people on their ups and downs How they interact and why What about the ones with less limbs than I? How do they survive? Why do they... even want to be alive? I feel as though my heart’s stopped beating inside I’ve no will or mental control, I’m just biding my time Until I manifest suicide, the thoughts will have to hide Try not to blow up into a picture, I have to stay in line