Far West Genesis
untitled
Sink in the troubled stare, Sheriff. Its there for everyone to bear. Commonplace faces some grimace to keep clenched. Horses hitch themselves to posts close in inching an ongoing battle.
Weapons are sharp tongues and fiery eyes, keen wit whips wounds with every declared rhyme. Line by line a fight persists inciting violence excluding fists, gun twirls and blade twists.
Opposite each other across the dirt-paved road, gravel-robbed in sobbing its dust to the wind.
There it stands, a waged war of likes never encountered before. Two fellows using words to blow their bellow. Occupants of windows rebel out, closer to hear a tapestry of rhythm wrapped without home-wreckage to fear.
Oh! Vauge ghost-town draw of the year, influenced so much since you've tumbled on thru.
Its no wonder why we insist on repeating you.
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genesis.
also. got some sick alliteration/assonance going on here but I have no clue what's actually going on. still.
The break from, well, line breaks is refreshing. It's a personification of hip-hop transposed to the Old West! I think.
that was really a genre blender. interesting. never thought western themes and hip hop went together. thanks thammoc! a pleasure to read.
i like the candy it offers for the reader with the denseness of the text, but with that same thing it creates a piece that is quite hard to understand
Thammoc Chosen Comment
I like your commentary. Creative description is an exciting thing. The 'extended textual composition', as one of my lecturers might say.
Interesting comparison. You're not the first to make it, either, which isn't a bad thing, it shows you're hitting something interesting.
Reading the piece before the explanation, I thought "Oh, slam poetry. Nice!"
I'd almost say add the explanatory text to the piece? Or look at adding some of it- because it's good. It has rhythm. I like it. (and I like the piece as is.)
I reread this and actually read the commentary. and it made a lot more sense and became about 80 times more awesome. it's pretty awesome.
I do think the word bellow threw me out of the rhythm though.