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macca

Alien.

1755
Tue, 18 Nov 2008 at 12:11am

untitled

The world is overcrowded The world is full of liars The world is getting selfish The world is prone to losers The world is nearing doom now The world is suffocating The world is slowing down now I’m on another planet. Oh yes I see The world is pretty normal The world is quite a picture The people here are mental! But new and kind and gentle The world is getting better The world is losing danger The world is full of humans But only when we’re strangers
bowers
2008-11-18
furious pace to this!! love it
burning_sands
2008-11-18
I don't like the first bit but the rest of it is nice rhythmy
galanteeshowman
2008-11-20

The rhythm's right on target, but I'm not overexcited about the actual words, I'm afraid... Too much repetition, perhaps? "The people here are mental!/But new and kind and gentle" is a wonderful rhyme, though.

macca
2008-11-20
hmm the repetition was meant to be very obvious, i'll try and change that to see but yeah okay