Fun Summer Activities
untitled
I answer the phone.
“So?”
“Horny and bored.”
“Shall I join you?”
He arrives a few minutes later. I pick through the video games and DVDs in his backpack, but I don’t find what I’m looking for.
“No, no good.” I roll onto my back and focus on a Children of Bodom poster.
“We still haven’t addressed the basic problem, have we?”
“Horny is more important than bored.”
“I do wish I could help, but all I can offer is Serenity.” He shrugs.
“I’ve seen it.” I pick up the phone again. “Bacon, double cheese, olives…you want a drink?”
“Nah.”
“And Pepsi. Thanks.”
Thirty minutes pass in silence. Eventually I try to broach the subject. “Look, you are a guy…”
“No.”
“Alright, then”. Waste another zombie.
I answer the door.
“$17.83”.
I look him over. Tight.
“I suppose you’re gay too, aren’t you?”
He looks a bit bemused, but not flustered. You’d almost think he gets this kind of thing all the time.
“Hm. Well, I swing both ways, I guess.”
I offer two choices. One is a five-dollar tip. He picks the other one.
Another thirty minutes pass in silence. “I don’t really like Children of Bodom,” says the pizza guy.
I lift my head off his chest and glance at the poster. “It’s just to scare my mom,” I reply.
The other one mumbles something. “What?” He raises his head.
“Aw, don’t stop there,” whines pizza guy.
“I said, that’s a bit trite, don’t you think? In this day and age, wouldn’t the really scary option be something like, I don’t know, Miley Cyrus?”
I think about this. “My mom’s going to be home in 5 minutes.” They smile. “I don’t want to scare her that much. You both need to hit it.”
When mom comes in, all that’s left is the pizza. Another summer afternoon…
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There are a lot of horny people with loose morals in this piece.
I had a little trouble establishing the gender of the narrator but I think I've got it now (this is probably because its really goddamn early and I've only had one coffee and nothing to do with your writing skills).
Really love the ending.
+1
That's basically it, yeah. You go looking for good erotica, and all you get is horrifyingly bad prose. It's such a turnoff.