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 ^{(it's beta!)}

Sean Connery, I should stay the fuck out of your home because you do not love me like I love you. You do not understand. You will not understand. No matter how often I show up on your lawn, your love does not bloom. No matter how often I sit in your kitchen, it does not sink in. We were meant to be together, we were meant to be forever. You, and me, and your really, really nice food processor, its sleek, black lines matching the smooth dome of your balding head.

I should stay the fuck out of your home because, as with a perfectly aged fine wine, you were around before my parents were even conceived, and are decades older than I. This could be seen as a barrier, something that separates you and I, the years forever dividing us. I should stay the fuck out of your home because you do not want me there, with you.

I’m going to stay the fuck out of your home because the courts wouldn’t allow me to appeal the restraining order you took out against me.