The Music Box
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Once there was a little boy. He was about so age and so height and wasn't really the best looking kid you had ever met, but he was a dreamer and a believer, something even more rare.
So one day he was walking down the empty road in his small town when he heard a beautiful sound. He looked around trying to figure out where it was coming from but he couldn't see anything or anyone at all. The sound grew louder as his search grew more frantic. He suddenly understood it was a song. The music was so beautiful he felt as if nothing else had ever existed. He then thought of a plan so that he could keep the music.
He would try and catch the sound in a box so that he could listen to it whenever he wanted. Enthused by the idea, he ran of home to get a box. When he returned he was relived to hear the song still playing. He quickly took the lid off the box and waved it around in the air for a little while. He then snapped the lid back on as though he was worried the sound would get out. Running to the next road where he could no longer hear the music, he cautiously opened the lid a fraction. Not a sound came out.
Frustrated, he took the lid off entirely and shook the box. Nothing. He frowned and then ran back to the road with the song. He did this many times, back and forth, but with no luck. The music just wouldn't stay in the box.
He had another idea. What if he caught the music in his hands first and then placed it in the box? He ran from his road to the next to find that the song was fading.
The boy ran aroud like mad, trying to shove the invisible sound into the old shoe box. There were tears of despair running down his cheeks as the song finally stopped. He slumped to the ground, absently opening and closing his box, as though that would bring the music back. Eventually he jumped up. He couldn't stand it, he needed to hear that song again. Picking up his slightly bent box the boy began walking down the street, not really sure where he was going. That little boy went looking and looking for that song, but he never found it again. All he had left was the memory.
Yeah, yeah, I know it's a bit childish and lame, but I really like the meaning behind it.
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cound --> sound
Reminds me of my piece actually, the one you commented :P It's a good concept.. and I'm curious as to what draws you to the subject of memory.
A few suggestions:
As I said, it's a good concept, but the execution isn't perfect. The form is what strikes me initially, it seems a bit squat? That's not a very helpful comment I know :P But perhaps if you separated it out a bit.
This one I'm not sure of, but perhaps it might have gone better in a different person and perspective? Perhaps first person past tense. Then again, I have an obsession with first person...
But yeah, I like the meaning behind it too. It's got a good fable storytelling feel to it, and storytelling is something that intrigues me.
This is the first piece I have read by you and I'd have to say it is neither childish or lame...
I really like that whole old school fabley style it hass going, one line I'm not so keen on is "It was just beginning to drive him crazy when he had an idea." I think this could be expanded on loads and I'm not sure the term 'crazy' works that well with the rest of the words you have chosen
I'm still gonna plus this un though :)
neoeno-I guess I should answer a few things. Uhm, well I normally go for first person too, but this one I wrote (I think) lat year and this is just the way it told itself to me... if that makes sense :P Thanks for the tips and I'll try and work on it. Oh, and memory has always been a funny thing for me because i didn't have it that great growing up and for some reason, my mind has blocked it out and I can't really remember much.
Orchid I hadn't really noticed that line before, thankyou for pointing it out to me :) I'm gunna try and work on that too. I'm glad you liked it.