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 ^{(it's beta!)}

My Myspace, 'tis of thee Hangout of bourgeoisie, Of thee I schpiel! Site where my friends do write, Source of my poetry's plight, From all other websites, My boredom heal!

Based on the poem "Mama Doesn't Want A Dog" by Iforgetwhom. Google it; it's a delightful poem. :)

Mama doesn't have a car.

Mama says it's dead.

It never did us any wrong,

And now it's wronged instead.

Mama doesn't have a car.

It's in an awful state.

We need to get a new one now,

'Cuz it's a paperweight.

Mama doesn't have a car.

Basically, we're fucked,

Because our family of four

Won't fit inside Bob's truck.

Why did the chicken cross the road, As the fear within him flow'd? O'er many quaint and curious streets this chicken he did cross; As he cross'd, this chicken flutter'd, And from his feather'd throat he utter'd, In a voice that squeak'd and shudder'd, The haunting word -- "Nevermore!" Thus, in this respect did he uptake the legacy of yore, That the Raven left in lore.

(I wrote this with some help from my dad when I was little, and my mom is convinced one of my uncles found it and published it under a pseudonym. I've seen it credited under six or seven different author names, and several versions of it labeled "anonymous." I don't particularly care, 'cos I don't even remember, and I doubt I came up with all that much of it. My parents come up with the oddest things.)

...

On a night quite unenchanting,

When the rain was downward slanting,

I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.

Tipsy, and a bit unshaven,

In a tone I found quite craven,

Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.

"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor;

"There is nothing I like more."

Soft upon the rug I treaded,

Calm and careful as I headed

Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore;

While the bard and birdie chatter'd,

I made sure that nothing clatter'd,

Creak'd or snapp'd or fe'll or shatter'd, as I crossed the corridor

For his house is jammed with trinkets, curious and weird decor;

Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered,

Standing stock-still as he uttered,

In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two-cents worth; "Nevermore."

While this dirge the birdbrains kept up,

Oh, so silently I crept up;

Crouched, and then I quickly leapt up, pouncing on the feathered bore!

Soon, he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore;

Merely this, and not much more.

"Ooo!" my pickled poet cried out.

"Pussycat! It's time I dried out!

Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before.

How I've wallowed in self-pity,

While my gallant, valiant kitty

Put an end to that damned ditty ..." then I heard him start to snore.

Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor --

Jumped! And smashed it on the floor.

What happens to a tax deferred? Does it scatter and wear thin, like a bureaucratic slave? Or gather like a crowd, and then rave? Does it stink like fraud and fad, or grow moldy and stale, like coffee gone bad? Maybe it pays a fine, to make me learn. ... or does it return?

Thanks to MySpace bulletins, I've been thinking lately about the pop culture of my childhood. It's rather nostalgic, really ... especially the Fraggles. I <3 the Fraggles. Anyway, the song "1985" by Bowling for Soup has been stuck in my head off-and-on for a few days, so I decided to write a version of it for my generation.

~~~

Benny just hit the wall

Won't take his Adderall

Smokes weed every day

Crappy G.P.A.

His dreams flew out the door

With the N64

Only been in one band

What happened to his plan?

He was gonna be a hero

He was gonna make them smile

He was gonna save the world

Power Rangers-style

His job at Mickey D's

Is now the enemy

Looks at his emo friends

Nothing will make amends for

The Fraggles and spitwads

Way before the iPod

There was Smash Mouth and Star Wars

And still reruns of Dinosaurs

The preppies in high school

They tell him that he’s uncool

Cuz he's still preoccupied

With 19, 19, 1995

Woohoohoo

(1995)

Woohoohoo

He’s seen all the classics

He knows every line

Ninja Turtles, Home Alone 2

He had a Baywatch shrine

He watched Space Jam

Not a big Blue Collar fan

Thought he'd make a stand

As a pro Poke-man

When did Fruitopia become Faygo?

And why are girls watching The Matrix just for Neo?

When did Bananaphone become lethal?

Whatever happened to Wishbone? Waldo?

Nickelodeon and

Fraggles and spitwads

Way before the iPod

There was Smash Mouth and Star Wars

And still reruns of Dinosaurs

The preppies in high school

They tell him that he’s uncool

Cuz he's still preoccupied

With 19, 19, 1995

Woohoohoo

The rest of N*Sync got upstaged

When did Cory and Topanga get engaged?

And when did we outgrow Ren and Stimpy?

Please make this stop, stop,

Stop! ...

And bring back

Fraggles and spitwads

Way before the iPod

There was Smash Mouth and Star Wars

And still reruns of Dinosaurs

The preppies in high school

They tell him that he’s uncool

Cuz he's still preoccupied

With 19, 19, 1995

Woohoohoo

Fraggles and spitwads

Way before the iPod

There was Smash Mouth and Star Wars

And still reruns of Dinosaurs

The preppies in high school

They tell him that he’s uncool

Cuz he's still preoccupied

With 19, 19, 1995