Best Friend
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Hello ^^
Note: Mr. Magics Cigarettes are these really realistic looking cigarettes which are actually fake :)
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To my best friend,
I saw you at the mall the other day, your hand around her waist like that. It was funny, really, the way she fell for your plastered smile and your mannequin eyes. Hell, I’m not saying that silicon Barbie doll was any better, but she stooped too low.
You waved at me, before steering her away.
Two weeks, wasn’t it? Just two weeks ago you told me you loved her. Where were we? Ah, that’s right, we were at school. Of course we were at school, where else do we meet.
She’s pretty, I’ll grant you that. A nice row of teeth, bouncy hair, a ridiculously low lying cleavage, heck, she’s a bomb shell. And you? As your best friend, it pains me to say this:
Your hair is ugly, no matter how ‘flippy’ you try to make it.
Your teeth are white, but not enough to make her perform windmills in your mouth.
Your clothes are fine, just lose the pants, shirt, jacket, cap, socks, shoes and hairspray.
But keep the underwear, it makes you look distinguished.
It’s sad, really, how you’ll work so hard to try and impress her. With your slapstick humor, a packet of Mr. Magic Cigarettes and your eyes glued to a game on the PSP you never knew you even had.
Give it time. A week, no, two weeks tops. She’ll break the shell and find the weak, pathetic little creature I’ve learned to love.
You’re a weak, pathetic creature for falling for her.
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Thanks for reading :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Barbie, a PSP or Mr. Magic Cigarettes.
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"Your clothes are fine, just lose the pants, shirt, jacket, cap, socks, shoes and hairspray." is a great sentence simply for including hairspray in a list of clothes. This was a good, refreshing read, keep it up! +1
i like!i didnt know you could write.you should write more often,im looking forward to getting a story or article of yours published in our paper.
Hm. I don't think I'm a fan of the last line for two reasons.
1. It sounds repetitive. I realize that's what you were going for, but I'm not sure I feel like it works in this instance. That is just my opinion, though, and if you're happy, please don't worry about it. Haha.
2. The last line says he's "falling for her" but he already told the narrator he's in love with her, two weeks prior. Very nitpicky, I know. Forgive me. Heh.
Otherwise, I really like this. "Performing windmills" is seriously great imagery. And the part about the underwear making him look distinguished was very funny.
Good job!
+1