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 ^{(it's beta!)}

Take me away from here please, Tom.

Instead, the young boy in the distance placed his hand firmly on my weak shoulder and so I was beckoned towards the front of an empathetic room to begin my miserable lecture of commemorative hope.

"To have and to hold.."

If there was ever a moment I could find on this self orbiting parody of a journey, where my next action would have been more inappropriate, I'd possibly be able to breathe easier when recounting this particular memory. But I don't honestly think there will be such an awful few seconds of wrongly judged impulse in my life, so I see no reason why telling you this would provoke much other than a dispassionate decision of pity from you. And by the way, you needn't bother.

"For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer.."

In front of every griever who had once or always felt a similar pain of unconditional loyalty towards the same person I loved more than this event could justify, I stood tall and raised my head high with the most humbling sense of triumph. My smile was warm, my posture was welcoming and my eyes told them I knew an answer, some sort of gratifying notion concerning bereavement and maybe a few thanks for their contributions towards this new found community that feigned strength. Who I was fooling was another story, but thinking back I suppose the night I chose not to pay lip service was the night I realised I was as disposable and insignificant as Tommy himself: Which ironically made me feel important. I still don't know why, but solace has it's funny ways, you know?

"In sickness and in health..."

I casually tilted the thin necked crystal glass that had been seeking me out all evening and inhaled my last taste of poison, a well known and under appreciated anecdote designed to play devil's advocate to our sensitivity and confusion. Most of Tommy's... most of our family and friends were quiet now. In fact, I don't remember anybody's eyes focusing anywhere but on me. Burning into my scalp. What do they want to hear from me? Then those few seconds came. They came like a shameless tailcoat urging my mind to begin it's brandishing and completely shatter the hearts of our volunteered orchestra with an independent composition of honesty.

"Until death do us part."

That's when I started laughing.