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God Complexities

867
Fri, 17 Aug 2007 at 07:25am

untitled

I was bored at work, so I do what I sometimes do when my mind is given too much time or not enough stimulus: Math.

So I thought to myself about the logistics behind a god that can supposedly listen to all the prayers you give.

For the purposes of this exercise, let us only use a rough estimate of christians for prayers being listened to, as incorporating more only complicates things further, and I didn't really feel like it.

We will begin with the idea that at any one event, (Pope Christening or something) we can expect the majority of christians to be praying, or roughly two and a half billion people.

Now, let us also assume that the average prayer is a certain number of characters long, in this case, 93, (the number of characters in the bed time prayer recited by children, the one that begins "Now I lay my head to sleep" sans punctuation, as comma placement can be argued) is the length of the prayer.

So 2.5 billion times 93 is 232500000000. So to process this entire prayer properly, in the span of a second, God must be processing at roughly 232.5 Ghz. This doesn't take into account the amount of RAM he must have, or the actual processing power to execute such a prayer (Several gigahertz of processing power is great for math, but how do you add and subtract "print screen", much less, asking the lord to keep your soul in the event of death in the middle of the night) or the hard drive space nescesary to store such a command should god ever shut off... etc. etc.

My computer has about 3.006 Ghz and a gig of RAM at 2100. I imagine merely to open that much in notepad may crash it. To send that much information at standard American Broadband speeds (not to be confused with America Online, I use roadrunner) would take a couple hours, given normal network usage (ya know, cause Ganesh totally likes to pull down a couple megs of furry pr0n every now and then) and low latency.

I would like to ask a few questions when I really think about it, like what is God's typical response time? I never really got a response when I prayed, so I can't answer this myself, but I'm sure it's not instantaneous, is a few second delay normal? I imagine it is. Does God communicate in complete proper sentences, or does he use an abbrieviated form similar to net speak?

Google returns well over a couple terrabytes of responses in normally around 2 seconds, so could it be said Google is faster then God? I find Google is a lot more honest with it's responses and obviously a lot quicker. Should I pray to Google? No. That's just silly, but,

I will say, asking Google has certainly provided me with a good deal more useful information. And Google has never ignored me, or sent it's minions to my house to try to convince me to believe in unicorns (Literal belief in the bible requires belief in unicorns. Look it up, I'll have the verses myself in the Artist's comments here in a minute, they're there.)

Two others like this.
2007-08-17
The commendations this piece recieved in IF1 were: 0 minus votes, 2 plus votes, and 0 astars.
artful_dodge
2007-08-17

As taken from the King James version, copied from BibleGateway.com

1. Numbers 23:22

God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.

Numbers 23:21-23 (in Context) Numbers 23 (Whole Chapter)

2. Numbers 24:8

God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.

Numbers 24:7-9 (in Context) Numbers 24 (Whole Chapter)

3. Deuteronomy 33:17

His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh.

Deuteronomy 33:16-18 (in Context) Deuteronomy 33 (Whole Chapter)

4. Job 39:9

Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

Job 39:8-10 (in Context) Job 39 (Whole Chapter)

5. Job 39:10

Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?

Job 39:9-11 (in Context) Job 39 (Whole Chapter)

6. Psalm 22:21

Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

Psalm 22:20-22 (in Context) Psalm 22 (Whole Chapter)

7. Psalm 29:6

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

Psalm 29:5-7 (in Context) Psalm 29 (Whole Chapter)

8. Psalm 92:10

But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.

Psalm 92:9-11 (in Context) Psalm 92 (Whole Chapter)

9. Isaiah 34:7

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

Isaiah 34:6-8 (in Context) Isaiah 34 (Whole Chapter)

bobman12
2007-08-17
This is very different. Someone would believe it if you told it to the right person.
burning_sands
2007-08-17
oh dear, sir.
miladyalise
2007-08-19

I like it, but it seems more like an increibly formal rant to me. I like the idea, but I think the delivery could be improved.

artful_dodge
2007-08-20
Miladyalise; Satire often is rant like.
themilkman
2007-08-20
Unicorns are just ONE of the absurd things that Christians are expected to believe.
sold
2007-10-04
GOD IS INFINITE YOU MATH HEATHEN.